


Too Much

by Beth Harker (Beth_Harker)



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Brooke character study, Brooke/Chloe friendship, Chloe being not nice, Drugs, Gen, Misogyny, Pre-Canon, Underage Drinking, characters talking about boys and dating in a way that isn't especially healthy, fictober18, starts in early childhood and goes up through high school
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-27 03:53:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16210844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beth_Harker/pseuds/Beth%20Harker
Summary: Sometimes, when Brooke’s dad drives her home, she tucks her knees into her dress, and tries to make herself as small as possible.  There are a lot of ways to be perfect, and one of those ways is to disappear.A character study of Brooke Lohst, through the years.





	Too Much

When Brooke is a little girl, her daddy takes her with him to the office sometimes. Everybody there loves her. They’re kinda contractually required to, since Brooke’s dad is their boss, and besides that, Brooke is ridiculously cute, with her blond pigtails, and her bright smile. 

There are three secretaries at the office. Mrs. Son is a fat, bustling old lady, who reminds Brooke of Mrs. Potts from Beauty and the Beast. She keeps crayons in her desk, and sneaks Brooke candy when nobody is looking. 

Judy wears a suit and tie, and has her hair cut short. She's loud and ruthlessly efficient, but she always finds time for Brooke. She likes fantasies, and making things up. She tells Brooke a story about a wizard who lives on a mountain between two villages, and another one about being a young lesbian in the early 90s, meeting her girlfriend, and going on marches.

Emma is Brooke’s favorite. She’s prettier than anybody Brooke knows, even her mother. She doesn't pay much attention to Brooke, unless she's directly asked a question. When asked how her day was, she’ll say it was wonderful. When asked what she ate for breakfast, she’ll say a banana and oatmeal. When asked if she has a boyfriend, she’ll just smile and become suddenly busy with her typing. 

“If you want someone to aspire to be like, Emma’s a good choice,” Brooke’s daddy tells her. 

“Cause she’s pretty?” Brooke asks. 

“Because she takes care of her appearance, and doesn't overshare. That girl has been working for me for six years. She doesn't look a bit different than the day she walked in, and I couldn't tell you the first thing about her.” 

Brooke nods, looking down at her own body. She's changed an awful lot in the last six years. In fact, six years ago, she wasn’t even born yet. She was nothing, or else a tiny speck in her mommy’s tummy. 

Brooke’s daddy doesn't ask Emma about boyfriends, breakfast, or her feelings on any given day. He asks her boring questions, which she answers with _’of course’_ , or _’will that be all, sir?’_ or _’take what you need’_. 

Sometimes, when Brooke’s daddy drives her home, Brooke tucks her knees into her dress, and tries to make herself as small as possible. There are a lot of ways to be perfect, and one of those ways is to disappear. 

————— 

Brooke becomes best friends with Chloe when they are both in middle school. It's not that she and Chloe weren't friends before. They've known each other since kindergarten. Chloe has a sleepover every year for her birthday, and Brooke has not only been invited to every one of them, she's also never been exiled mid-party for getting in Chloe’s way. That's not the same as being besties, though. Brooke has been reading Notre Dame de Paris. She doesn't talk about it, because she doesn't want people to think she's fake and pretentious like Madeline, but she likes the book a lot, and she's been writing down her favorite quotes in a little notebook when nobody’s watching. Victor Hugo has a really nice way of describing friendship, as being two fingers on the same hand, or two souls that touch. She hopes that she and Chloe can become like that. 

Chloe doesn't say anything about touching souls, though. “I'm going to make you my project,” is what she says to Brooke. Chloe has the sweetest smile, and if there's something hard lurking behind it, that almost makes it better, as far as Brooke is concerned. 

Brooke doesn't tell Chloe to take what she needs, at least not in words. She lets Chloe teach her how to curl her hair, and then how to straighten it. She lets Chloe tell her how to flirt with boys. 

“Give them as little as possible,” Chloe says, with what Brooke can't but help but think is the wisdom of somebody much older than their thirteen years. “Let them know that you want it all.” 

————— 

By high school, Brooke isn't sure that she wants all that much from boys. One that wouldn't cheat on her with Chloe would be nice. A sensitive one, who cried sometimes, and wanted to know about her hobbies would be extra nice. Brooke likes history, frozen yoghurt, and painting. Chloe calls her a nerd for the whole history thing, but maybe she means it affectionately. She likes Brooke’s paintings, until Jake Dillinger likes Brooke’s paintings, and then Chloe thinks Brooke is just showing off with them. It makes Brooke think of her step mother, Emma, and how Brooke still doesn't know much about her. She's good, the way that a doll is good. Everybody loves Emma, who gazes serenely upon the world, and would never accidentally upstage the most important person in her life by trying to be a painter.

—————-

During junior year of high school, Brooke finds that she wants all kinds of things. She wants to stay up late, and eat cold pizza in her pajamas at one in the afternoon. She wants to drink at parties with her friends. She wants to laugh at dumb jokes, make some dumb jokes of her own, and really cut loose. She wants to scream for the fun of screaming, and she super wants to smoke more weed. One day, Brooke tries to ask the antisocial headphones kid, who she always sees in the school hallways, to hook her up with some of the stuff, seeing as how he positively reeks of it. Chloe catches what she's doing and pulls her away, before she can ruin her reputation forever. 

So much for being chill. 

It's awful, though. Some days Brooke feels like there's so much of her, and it's bursting out everywhere. There's no going back to the time of conception, and being just a speck. Nope. Brooke is stuck being a full-fledged, messy human. She wears comfortable clothes, in sunshiny colors. She follows Chloe around, and listens to her talk about her conquests. Sometimes she makes Chloe mad, and that's a side-effect of being too much. 

Emma and Brooke’s dad get divorced. Brooke can't really blame her. He's kind of an asshole. It's starting to seem like being neutral, and being what everybody else wants, is overrated.

**Author's Note:**

> I am trying to do fictober, which means 30 stories in 30 days. As such, you might be seeing a lot of short fics from me. If I write something under 1000 words, it'll get posted on my tumblr (icouldwritebooks). Fics that are or close to 1000 will go to AO3. Comments are highly motivating.


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